Moving forward quickly...

It's quite possible I'm the worst blogger ever, in the history of blogging. I can't believe it's been so long since my last post!! So here goes the catching up... stay with me here...

I went in for my fluid ultrasound and was shocked to find out I had polyps. I have never had polyps before, like ever. The RE said they were most likely due to the meds from last cycle and made an appointment for the following week, March 9th for me to come back and have them removed. I was not exactly the happiest of campers. I loathe surgery. I hate anesthesia, hate being out of control, just panic about it. But my IM offered to drive me down the day of the surgery and so off we went. Everything went well, and I actually loved the anesthesiologist and his nurse, was only out for ten minutes, and came around really quickly. Mainly because I fight to shake it off like you wouldn't believe. Did I mention I have control issues?

Anyway, the surgery was not painful. I had some light cramping and was exhausted the next day. Unfortunately, I haven't felt well since. (TMI alert) Lots of tummy issues. I can't imagine it's from the surgery, probably just coincidence, but I've had cramps, and lots of loose BMs, lots of gas. Pretty annoying stuff. I suppose it could be side effects of either the Lupron I started on the 14th of this month, or the steroids I started the same day. But I didn't notice any of that the first cycle.

I stopped BCPs on Wednesday, and have my baseline ultrasound and estrogen check on Monday. Fingers crossed we're good to go and I can start my Estrace that day. Then back in on April 3rd for a lining check to be sure we're good for transfer the week of the twelfth.

I'm so excited that we're getting close, but sort of bummed that I'm not feeling as well as I was the first go around. I know a lot of it is stress. My oldest son, the one with autism, was very ill the last two weeks and the stress of him being ill, and the guilt of not being able to be with him round the clock took it's toll. Then my 31 week pregnant daughter and my grandsons (3 & 17 months) moved in while her husband is doing some training with the AF. They'll be here until after she delivers. And while I am super thrilled to have them here (I LOVE those babies), it's a bit of an adjustment.

And I'm not sleeping much at all. It started when I severely sprained my ankle three weeks ago (I'm on week three of six in a plastic splint) and I haven't had a decent night's sleep since. I'm sure the meds are not helping. I'm really holding out for this estrogen to work miracles the way it did last cycle. Fingers crossed.

I want to be relaxed, and feeling healthy come transfer day. So good that those two fresh embies are going to want to hang around for about 9 months...


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Just one week pre transfer!

So we transfer a week from tomorrow and I'm scared, nervous, excited, nauseous, and stunned. All of those things in one big knot in my stomach. I've never felt so pressured to perform in my life. Especially with something I have so little control over, well, okay, no control over. C'mon uterus, don't fail me now!

Anyway, I have some sort of respiratory crud going on. I think I caught it from my Dad, who was here over the weekend and was ill. Normally, I probably would have been fine with my constant hand washing and staying well away from him, but since I'm on the steroids for the transfer my immune system is suppressed and there must have been a chink in the armor. I only had a cough for a few days, but now it's added the runny, stuffy nose, and my head is killing me.

The good news is I got my med calendar for this next week and I start antibiotics on Sunday. Zithromax, which they usually give me for bronchitis or pneumonia anyway. So if it's not just viral (which it should be since my dad got over it with no antibiotics and he had a raging fever), the antibiotics should kick it to the curb.

The bad news is I start the PIO (Progesterone in oil) shots that everyone complains about on Sunday. They say they hurt, leave lumps, and have yucky side effects. I'm so excited (read sarcastically, please.) Though my nurse assures me that if I'm not having any pain with the estrogen shots (I'm not), then I probably won't have much with these, that the pain is usually from incorrect placement. Hmmm, we'll see. I'll keep you posted.

BUT, the thing I'm super, absurdly worried about does not involve needles at all. It's another antibiotic, Clindamyacin, which comes in the form of a vaginal suppository. That's right, I'm going to stick this thing in my hooha three nights in a row before bed. What's the problem, you ask? Surely, by 44 (within spitting distance now of 45) I'm familiar enough with my body that inserting a suppository is no big deal? No, that's not the big deal. Neither is the um, discharge issue I've heard about. The problem is that I tend to have allergies to antibiotics. Big time allergies. And I don't think I've had Clindamyacin before, so I don't know if I'll have a reaction to it. My typical allergic reactions to antibiotics are: hives, stomach cramps, tight chest, breathing problems. And necessitate a trip to the ER for emergency breathing treatments, steroids, and sometimes epinephrine injections. No fun. And I can't imagine the hives originating in the hooha, can you?

And, to make me even more nervous, I start the suppositories the night of the 14th, like two hours before my birthday. Those of you who are friends, or blog readers of mine, will realize that my birthdays are not always the luckiest of days for me. They have included in the past: trips to the ER, car accidents, travel delays, and being mistaken for a fugitive. Can you understand my concern??

So I'm just going to try to breathe deep, relax, and maybe have a few drinks this weekend...

Wish me luck...


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The one where I start to freak out...

So when I left you last, we'd really just begun the process for the surrogacy. Initial exams were done, things seemed to be on course. Only they weren't. After two cycles of follicle stimulation and egg harvesting, fertilizing, and testing it became clear things weren't going to go as planned.  I won't go into details, but the need for donor eggs became apparent. So my friend went back to researching. And my uterus got put on ice. (Not literally, that would be silly.) We slipped into a holding pattern while she searched for a solution. But she found donor eggs and we're back on track. Sort of.

We're in a time crunch to get the contract finished and signed before next Wednesday. The fertility clinic has to have the signed contract before they'll go any farther with me, and I have an appointment Wednesday. I'm on track to start the hormones on the 19th of this month (pre-heating the oven), and neither of us wants to delay it another month.

So their lawyer is finishing up the contract, they're reviewing it tonight, and we have a meeting with our lawyer on Monday. So, to prepare, I looked up the Illinois statute on surrogacy. Surprisingly, we're pretty progressive on a few things. We come in second only to California on the ease of surrogacy laws. And the ones we do have make perfect sense. (Illinois laws making sense? What? I know, right? Color me surprised) And I started perusing sample contracts online so I'd be up to speed and have questions ready when I got to the lawyer's.

That was my mistake. Holy hell! People still die from childbirth, y'all! How did this not cross my mind? There are provisions for all sorts of scary things: hysterectomy (okay, at my age, that kind of sounds like a bonus), ectopic pregnancy, stroke, heart attacks, death. No, no, and no. Generally, I'm not a "worst case scenario" kind of girl. I'm a "silver lining" girl. But there is no silver lining to having a stroke and being paralyzed and unable to talk. Or write. None.

This whole time I've been thinking about possible harm for the baby/babies from my age. Not myself. I nearly scared myself into a panic attack before I shut down that line of thinking. I think the only reason I got so worked up was because for the last week people have been telling me I'm too old to do this. And fat. But mostly old. However, it did make me realize there are a few things I might want to be sure are in the contract for my protection. I don't think the intended parents will have a problem with that. From the beginning their concerns have been for me.

So hopefully, the waiting is coming to an end and we're going to get this party started. I'm ready to rumble.

Also, did I mention my daughter is 11 weeks pregnant with her third child? This should be interesting...

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